Dear Diary
by HeavenlyDevilish
Summary: A one shot for Severus Snape and his feelings of bitterness and rejection. He writes in his diary to pass the time away. Written two years ago, and I'm only posting it now. And I know it's not the most creative title.


A one shot for poor Severus probably to explain why he is so bitter. I wrote this quite literally **two** years ago and I'm finally posting it.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, except the names Aurora and Bonaventura, and the character Cassandra

* * *

"Severus! WAKE UP!"

The slimy haired boy groaned and turned in his bed. _School…_he thought. Lousy school. _Another year for everyone to hate me_."

He slowly got out of bed and dragged his pitiful self to the bathroom. He looked into the mirror. A sight that still made him want to commit suicide. He was of average height, but so skinny, almost malnutritioned. Pale sallow skin, and greasy unkept raven hair. And then there was the nose. A large hooked curse, which most likely looked as if a spacecraft had landed upon it. He prodded it viciously as a silent tear dripped down his cheek.

He brushed his teeth and blinked remaining tears away. His mother and father didn't understand why he was so unhappy. 'You're a smart boy, good at curses,' his mother told him. 'And don't forget…there's always that rising dark lord to look forward to meeting,' his dad said. Severus scowled. All his parents thought about were curses and dark magic. _Perhaps that's a good thing_, he thought. _Then when I get out of school, I'll curse the lot of them_. He and his unhappy thoughts hurried on down the stairs.

"Get away from me, bastard!" his mother screamed.

"Why should I?" his father smiled maliciously, grabbing her wrists and shaking her.

A small sob escaped Severus' mouth. They turned around and saw him.

"And what are you crying about? Well? Out with it boy!" his father raged.

"All…this fighting…"he hiccupped.

His mother opened her eyes wide. "FIGHTING? The only reason me and your father fight is because of YOU!" she pointed at Severus, her eyes almost in a maniac state.

"What…?" he whispered.

"You heard your mother you insolent brat! You're the reason we can barely pay our bills! And the reason we've decided not to feed you! You can feed yourself!"

"I'm not getting any food?" the fifteen-year, already starving child asked.

"NO! Now get out of my sight!" shouted his mother, throwing a teapot at his head. It smashed just above him. He crawled into a corner and silently cried, whilst his Aurora Snape and Bonaventura Snape argued about broken pots and their mistake of a son.

* * *

"I'm getting this seat!"

"No, I am!"

"Hey…I'll trade you five sickles if you give us this compartment kid…"

Noise erupted from all sides of Severus. He clapped his hands over his ears and closed his eyes, as if almost wishing they would dissolve. Suddenly the compartment he was located in bolted open.

"Hey this one's emp-" began a raven-haired boy, but stopped at the sight of Severus.

"Oh look who it is…" sniggered another jet black haired boy, but this one was taller, with perfectly messy hair, blue eyes and a straight nose. "_Snivellus._"

Severus twitched as if he had been stung. Time and time again he endured the pain, the name calling…this time he couldn't stand it. His hand moved slowly down to his wand.

"Oh look Sirius – he's getting his precious wand to curse us," mocked James Potter.

Sirius nodded. "Oh well, can't blame him for trying. Now let's get rid of him."

Severus opened his mouth to say something, but Remus Lupin cut him off. "Don't try and say anything. I happen to be a prefect and I can easily make your life a misery if you try anything…" He paused waiting to see the full effect of loathing upon Severus' face. "So, I'm giving you a chance here. Either move, and we won't do anything to you, or stay and we'll have to remove you ourselves." He sighed, and then winked at James and Sirius.

"What?" stuttered James with some incredulity.

"Yeah…what are you eating Lupin?" Sirius laughed then playfully shoved Remus. "You mean give Snapey-kins a _break_? No way, man!"

Meanwhile the messy haired boy known as James Potter was quietly rummaging through Severus' suitcase. And what he found intrigued him dearly.

"Look at this…" he began, smiling malevolently. Sirius turned eagerly to look. "We have – get ready boys – ragged robes…a horrid hat…AND! Unsightly underwear!" He carefully removed each garment with a pair of tweezers he'd conjured up, and then bowed. "Thank you boys, and please acknowledge my amazing alliteration."

Remus clapped mockingly. Severus started up, when Sirius grabbed his robes.

For he first time, a small, mousy haired boy spoke up. "M-m-maybe we _should_ leave him alone…" he suggested. Sirius laughed, then ruffled the boy's hair.

"Good old Peter," he laughed. "Yeah you're right, this _is _getting boring, let's just get this compartment from him now."

James carefully, yet cruelly packed away Severus' clothes, slowly, so Severus could fully endure the cruel laughter of Sirius, and the hesitant yet still hurtful chuckle of Peter. Remus flashed a smirk. James suddenly collapsed onto a bench, as if he was bored.

"Ok then…no more games. Go on. Snape – get out."

Severus, who had not said anything during the whole event quietly, got up, though shaking with silent fury. _They will pay for this. Everyone will._

**Snape's Diary 1st September 1975**

_Dear diary,_

_Just another normal day for me again. James and his crew making my life a misery. As usual nobody understands me. The only person is you, dear Destiny. If only you were a real person. A real person for me to talk to, to understand me, to comprehend me. James and co. were today torturing me because they wanted my compartment. So I had to find another one. I shared it with a girl in the second year I have never seen before. She let me have one of her sandwiches, because she saw I had no lunch and no galleons. Her name is Cassandra. We talked for a bit, then she left to find her friends. Perhaps I shall become friends with her. The day is looking bright. Sure, thirteen more Gryffindors made fun of my 'dirty underwear' as James delicately put it, and four Ravenclaws commented on my 'greasy hair.' But – is it MY fault, my parents let me shower once a week because they think it's a waste of water? Is it MY fault they never buy me new clothes? NO! IT'S NOT! Like I said, I'm going to get my revenge. But not on Cassandra. She's nice to me. So how has life brightened? Well always everyday I tolerate abuse, and have gotten used to it, but never have I been treated nicely by anyone, let alone a girl. I guess I'll wait until tomorrow.

* * *

_

The next day in the usual wave of self-pity, Severus headed to the Great Hall, where he settled alone at his place. He poured himself a drink of orange juice and ate some cereal. His eyes cast darkly around the room, watching jealously at the happy faces, bitterness coursing through his veins. He thought quietly to himself, asking the same questions he always thought whilst eating in the Great Hall. _Why should everyone be happy, and I to be sad and miserable? _he asked. _At least they have a loving home, why should they be happy here too? Most have got both: a loving home _and_ loving friends. _

Severus shrugged off the weight in his shoulders, and made his way to the grounds; what he didn't see was James casually sticking out his leg, and tripping Severus up. He suddenly fell forwards, into a custard pie Sirius had set on the floor. As if that wasn't enough Remus and Peter oh so offhandedly stepped on his robes as he plummeted downwards, so part of it ripped into shreds. Meanwhile the pie had splattered onto his hair, face, and covering most of what was left of his robes. He fell so suddenly that he didn't have time to put a hand out, to stop his knee from hitting the cold stone floor. He cried out in pain, his mouth filling with the pie, which seemed to have been made mostly of pepper. The floor was splattered with blood, pouring out of his badly mangled knee.

Half the Great Hall turned silent, and then burst into laughter. Severus stared back at them, tears cascading down his cheeks, but the sight of his custard covered face caused the laughter volume to increase.

Pretending to have ignored the blood, James, choking with laughter, finally managed to dribble out, "here, let me clean this up for you!" He conjured up a water bottle and sprayed Severus with it. He tried in a desperate attempt to get back up, half blinded with the water, but he slipped and fell back down again. Another roar of laughter.

Severus half opened his eyes. He saw the jeering faces of all the Gryffindors, and most of the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. Even Slytherins were congratulating Potter. Nobody liked him, not even his own house. He watched Sirius whooping with laughter, high-fiving Remus.

Severus didn't like crying. It was a sign of weakness, his father said. But he couldn't help crying, for his hated family, hated by the whole school, his knee, his sodden robes…

"Come on now," said Professor Dumbledore gently. The headmaster gently lifted Severus up; his slight figure provided no weight for the headmaster to struggle with. James vanished away the water bottle, but could erase his laughter. Dumbledore sighed at the four of them, and nodded the Professor McGonagall, the head of Gryffindor. She instantly gave them all detention for a week, but that didn't satisfy Severus enough. What _he_ wanted was for all of them to be expelled, or even better, for Severus to be kicked out.

_My life stinks…though at least Cassandra wasn't anywhere to be seen this morning…_

Severus awoke to a brightly lit room. Even the sun was opposed to his grief. He frowned, something that often occurred. The common room was empty, desolate. Severus grudgingly got dressed into some new robes he had borrowed and made his way down to the Great Hall, ignoring the comments made by a couple of Hufflepuffs.

In order to avoid the crowd of people at the tables, he grabbed some toast and made his ways to the grounds. An unfamiliar touch he felt as was walking. He snapped his head round, tensing up, then relaxed. It was Cassandra. His heart did something funny then. A slightly unusual leap, followed by a warm feeling in his stomach. Severus smiled.

"Hi," she murmured shyly, looking away.

"Thanks for the sandwich," he blurted out.

Cassandra looked surprised, then smiled. "It's fine. I mean, if you wanna borrow another sandwich sometime, just ask."

Snape laughed then stopped himself quickly. _Laughing? _He thought. _First it was smiling about this girl, now laughing? What's happening to me?_

Cassandra laughed also. "So…I've told you I'm Cassandra Felis…what's your last name?"

"S-s-nape," he stuttered. It was unusual having a girl talk to him, let alone nicely. "Cassandra, thanks for talking to me. Not many people do…I mean! Oh just ignore me."

"Just call me Cass," she smiled.

"OK then…Cass," he breathed. For those of who know Severus very well, you would know his nature being very secluded, quiet and sullen. Romance has a way of gripping a person by the heart, not letting go, and forcing mixed up feelings into it. _This _is what was happening to Snape. For these hormonal reasons, he involuntarily linked arms with Cassandra. She looked startled, but then relaxed and grinned at him. He went red.

"About those people laughing," she started softly. "Well I hope you know I wasn't one of them. As soon as I saw you fall I left, I didn't want to see you in pain."

Severus smiled in a rather twisted manner. As they were walking his knee started to hurt again and a few drop of blood slid down his calf. He stopped. Cassandra stopped too, and her face was full of concern. She knelt down and gently pressed a tissue to his wound.

For the next half an hour or so, before their lessons, they talked about…well, everything. They talked about their families. Cassandra sympathised with him, and emotionally expressed her belief of everyone hating him. She didn't mind his old clothes or greasy hair, nor did she mind his constant blushing and stammering. They talked books, spells, teachers, music, animals, everything. She listened to him, and he listened to her. For the first time in his dejected life Severus Snape had really shown someone, other than his diary Destiny the person he was deep down inside. The only thing they'd forgot to discuss was what house each of them was in.

**Snape's Diary 2nd September 1975**

_Dear diary,_

_I am over the moon with joy. Such joy I have never felt before in life, not including the time we all thought my father was dying. Alas, that never came to be. Cass makes me feel so special, Destiny! Her smile makes me melt, and I want to run my hand down her silky auburn hair. I'm afraid she'll grow distant if I do that. Oh God, I don't know what to do! I can barely think straight! Her warm blue eyes, her slender figure. She's so smart and wonderful. She actually cares for me! I am the most repulsed creature in Hogwarts, even more repelled than the Blasted Ended Skrewts, yet she ignores that factor, and almost thinks the world of me. She met me in between classes so we could talk, and we spent until midnight in the library, until we were both discovered and forced out. I had fallen asleep, so my darling Cass put a sleepwalking spell on me and sent me to bed. However I woke up straight away in excitement! It's 12:43 in the night now, so I think I shall go to sleep._

For the next week or so, Severus and Cassandra were inseparable in between classes. They never ate in the Great Hall, keeping their relationship secret, because Severus didn't want anyone else to find out. He knew the others would start teasing her, and he didn't want that.

Soon, however, it began to dawn upon him that he didn't know what house she was in. She never sat at the tables, so he couldn't tell then, and at the Library he always fell asleep before he could see her off to bed. She never introduced him to her friends so he couldn't even ask them.

"Cass…" commenced Severus, flushing furiously.

"Yes?" she asked, blinking. He loved the way she blinked. Her long black eyelashes fluttered over her voluptuous large eyes, and almost misted over when she talked. He forgot was he was saying, and continued staring into her eyes. She prodded him.

"Oww! Sorry, I was just looking at your eyes." He clapped his hand to his mouth, as he said it.

"And what did you see?" she grinned, linking arms again.

"W-w-well," he stammered inarticulately. She waited patiently. She had gotten used to this by now. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…what do you see? You must be a mind reader or something." She flashed a flirty grin.

They had sat down on the benches by this time. The sun was shining down, but the trees blocked the pounding rays, instead creating a cool refreshing shade. It was lunchtime, and they had each taken out pasties and ginger beer. Cassandra deliberately chosen the smallest bench, so they were forced to sit side by side.

"Well," he grinned back. "Stare into my eyes again."

She obediently did so, and noticed the spark of life in those eyes that had once been the cold dark tunnels everyone knew him by. Now she felt at peace with him, his smile made her heart somersault, his eyes shined with a fierce misunderstood passion. _Is this what it is like to be in love?_ she wondered, whilst he was thinking the exact same thing.

"I see…a thirst for adventure." She smiled. "I see…sensitivity and a caring nature. I see…beauty and talent." She lightly punched him.

"You're flattering me!" she cried.

He then looked at her very seriously. "No, I'm being honest. Very honest. And you know what else I see?"

"No…tell me," she whispered, leaning closer to him, half closing her eyes.

"I see…a romantic streak in you. You're looking for love. And I think you've found him…" He said this last sentence slowly and deeply, which pleasantly surprised him. Normally, his luck would make him rush and squeak the phrase, but perhaps luck was finally turning for him.

"Yes…you're absolutely right," she murmured and leaned even closer. He took to hint, and closed his eyes also. His head leaned towards hers…

_R-I-I-N-G! _

Snape viciously cursed the school bell. He opened his eyes to see what Cassandra would say, but she had already left for her next lesson.

**Snape's Diary 10th September 1975**

_Dear Diary,_

_I will admit it now. I am seriously in love. Today we almost kissed! And yet we didn't. I can't express the joy I am feeling now, I could almost cry, I have never been so happy in my life before. We spent the whole weekend together. She gave me several flowers. And yet, I _still_ haven't met her friends. Is it possible she's ashamed of me? Or whether she really does like me or not? But then why would she use me? I have nothing she'll possible want from me. I suspect she wants to keep our bond a secret, which I am perfectly fine with. I don't want her to undergo the pain I have been put through, all my life at Hogwarts. She deserves to be happy. Oh God, Destiny, I love her!_

The next day Severus was in high hopes. He quite literally skipped down the stairs to the Great Hall, but didn't grab anything to eat. His stomach was churning – in a good way with the butterflies fluttering there. Waiting impatiently at their usual bench, Severus finally saw her. Oh, she looked so pretty with her hair floating over her shoulder, her eyes blue like sapphires and stance resembling a supermodel. He almost shouted with joy, to think she was his.

"Hey," she whispered throatily.

"Hey," he whispered back, and they sat down. "I have something to show you," he rushed.

She blinked. "What?"

"Close your eyes.

She did so.

"And open your hands…"

She also did that, her body trembling with anticipation. Severus dropped a ring into her hands. It wasn't fancy, just a thin gold ring, with a small sapphire gemstone set into it. But for Severus, the eighteen galleons he paid for it was plenty. Cassandra opened her eyes in astonishment, and her eyes filled up with tears.

"I know it's not much," he hurried. "B-b-but-"

"Oh, Severus," she gushed. "I love it!" She instantly put on the ring. This gesture made it easier for Severus to say the next part.

"And I love you…" he sighed.

Cassandra's eyes, if possible, opened wider. "I love you too," she replied simply.

Severus almost had a heart attack right there and then. What – someone actually loved him? Somebody actually cared for him? It seemed almost impossible, but maybe things were getting better.

He turned his head and noticed Cassandra's eyes were closing and she was slowly moving her head towards his. With his heart beating in his throat, Severus closed his eyes and gently pressed his lips against hers. He smelt her raspberry scented locks, and held her closer. The kiss deepened, and just when it seemed all time had lost, and there was nothing standing in this world but him and Cassandra, Severus heard a familiar, unwelcome voice.

"Well, well, well! Look who we have here!"

It was James Potter.

Severus jumped up, as if he'd received an electric shock. Cassandra tumbled off him. Sirius was cracking up.

"So…Severus has finally got a girl!"

"What did you do? Curse her?" sneered James.

Peter grinned unusually evilly for him and laughed. "Probably drugs."

"What are drugs?" asked Sirius, frowning.

"Illegal substances that messes with one's mind," explained Remus.

"Aha…"

At least a hundred students had gathered behind the four musketeers. The wind whipped Severus around the cheers, stinging his face, invading his eyes. The result of this was tears forming in his eyes.

Cassandra temporarily hadn't said anything in response to this. She shifted uncomfortably. James noticed her and grinned.

"So, Felis…never thought you'd go for something like _that_."

Snape blinked, surprised. "You two know each other?"

Sirius laughed scornfully. "Of course we know each other. We see her all the time in our _common room._"

"You're-you're a Gryffindor?" Severus croaked.

Cassandra looked at him suspiciously. "Yes…I am…so?"

James looked happier than when it was his birthday. "And do you know what house dear Snivellus is in?"

"No…"

Severus closed his eyes. _Don't tell her, don't tell her._

"_Slytherin." _

Cassandra backed away from Severus.

"No wait, Cass, why should it matter what house I'm in?" Severus started to say.

"And," continued Sirius, "his parents are Deatheaters…which means _he'll _be a Deatheater." He laughed maliciously. Remus started laughing.

"Cass, Cass listen to me…" Severus grabbed her arm. "I thought you loved me!"

This only caused James to laugh even louder. "LOVED HIM!" he exclaimed.

Cassandra went red. "I never loved him," she muttered.

Severus' eyes filled up with tears. "What?"

"You heard me right! I never loved you! You never told me you were a Slytherin!"

"You never asked!" stammered Severus.

"You Slytherins are all the same," Cassandra said, very coldly. "All you think about is getting your way around a girl, buying her cheap jewellery, you slimy good-for-nothing jerks!"

"Please…" he begged, holding her arm. She pulled away, and then slapped him hard around his cheek. Tears once again poured down his cheeks.

More mocking laughter, echoing around him. He wished it could stop, but of course, wishing never works. Now even Cassandra was laughing. He thought he had found true happiness but no. Having put up with it enough, Severus turned on his heels, and ran.

**Snape's Diary 11th September 1975**

_Dear Diary,_

_Well I knew it was too good to be true. How could anyone even consider liking somebody like me? You may think I am weak, Destiny, as does everybody. But I am brave. Brave enough to return to school everyday, putting up with the laughter and getting on with my schoolwork. I have now realised my father is wrong. Tears are _not_ a sign of weakness. They are a sign of expressing my true feelings, and those feelings are not pleasant. Hate. That's all I feel right now. How can anyone love me? I have done nothing wrong. Constant torture forces me to become so cold and desolate from the rest of the world. But no-one can understand that. They all think I'm evil, all think I'm a Deatheater…_

"And now…make way for Snivellus, Hogwarts very own jerk!"

Severus tried to run out, but James stopped him. He and Sirius grabbed Severus and pushed him into the Great Hall, where everyone turned to look at him.

Sirius sat down, with his arm around Cassandra. She smiled at him, a wicked glint in her eye. Severus' stomach dropped.

"You know, Sirius, this isn't such an ugly ring," she breathed, holding a hand in front of her, and studying the ring.

"No, it's not," agreed Sirius, "let's melt it down and split the gold."

"I wonder how much this thing cost."

"Probably his entire life savings!" joked Sirius and the Hall ricocheted with laughter.

She grinned, and kissed him in front of Severus.

Severus watched this with a cold wave of spite and fury. He turned away, but Remus held onto him.

"Get away from me werewolf!" Severus hissed.

The Hall suddenly fell silent.

"What did you call me?" asked Remus calmly, but there was the unmistakable tone of danger in his voice.

"I called you werewolf…now get off me!"

_BANG. _

James hexed Severus, sending him flying across the room. "Naughty, naughty. It's rude to call people names." James wagged a finger in front of Severus' face, satisfied.

"James Potter!" McGonagall shouted. She marched furiously down the steps. "Young man, I _told _you before not to curse people!"

"But he called Remus a werewolf," drawled Sirius.

Severus was lying on the floor, listening to the words Sirius was saying. He _had_ called Remus a werewolf, because he was. And James called him a jerk…because…because…why? _Am I really a jerk? _He thought to himself. When somebody calls you something you do not like, over and over again, it often makes you very low self-opinionated. This is what Severus Snape has had to put up with, for fifteen years of his life. Not a kind word had ever been said to him, apart from "I love you" from Cassandra, but she didn't mean it. Why had she said it anyway? Maybe she did love him, but trust James to ruin his only happiness…

"I think you'd better come with me," said a low voice in his ear.

Albus Dumbledore was again standing over him, and lifted him up to his office, because Severus had fainted.

* * *

His eyes opened slowly, and surveyed the circular room. It was a very pretty room, full of portraits of old headmasters, and his beautiful phoenix Fawkes.

Severus found he was lying on a sofa. He sat up suddenly.

Dumbledore was sitting at his office watching him.

"I-I think I better go now," he said, stumbling slightly.

"Please sit down Severus," commanded Albus, in a kindly manner.

He sat.

"Is there anything you would like to discuss with me?" the Headmaster gently pressed.

Severus thought. He thought of his parents hating him. He thought of the school hating him. He thought of how ugly he was. He thought of how the only person who had ever loved him fell for his worst enemy. He thought of his miserable life.

"No, nothing's wrong," he lied.

Dumbledore saw through this. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, life's great thanks," he answered, gloom evidently surrounding his heart.

_Knock. Knock._

"Come in," Dumbledore said, half annoyed.

The door slowly opened and with a feeling of utmost dread, Severus knew who it was.

"Come on outside, Severus," snapped Aurora nastily.

Severus obeyed, leaving Dumbledore to fret inside his office.

"Hello mother. Hello father," Severus greeted them politely.

"Shut up you insolent brat!" snarled Bonaventura.

Aurora sighed then straightened up. "We have something important to tell you, son."

_Son. _Possibly the first sign of tenderness, she had ever shown him.

"We're letting you go…"

Severus blinked up at them. "What – you're kicking me out of the house?"

"Don't back answer your mother boy!" shouted father. Severus closed his mouth and looked down.

"But, but why?"

"Your father has lost his job. Apparently the Ministry cannot handle his 'bad temper.' We have no money to support all of us so we're going to put you up for adoption."

"You can't do this to me," he pleaded desperately. "I am your only son. Your…only child." His eyes filled up with the familiar salty tears, but he didn't bother to brush them away. He _wanted_ to show his parents how miserable they made him.

"I _can_ and I will!" growled his father, and raised a hand to slap him. Severus raised his hands over his head to defend himself. Bonaventura calmed down and lowered his hand "However, there is something we can do. There is a new power rising, for purebloods around. A new Lord, by the name of Voldemort – who prefers to be called the Dark Lord – is currently gathering an army and your mother and I are thinking of joining."

Severus had heard enough.

"SHUT UP!" he screamed, taking even himself by surprise. "I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU! YOUV'E MADE MY LIFE A MISERY! YOU HATE ME! EVERYBODY HATES ME! AND NOW YOU'RE A _DEATHEATER? _ARE YOU TRYING TO _RUIN_ MY LIFE!"

"What – the – hell – did – you – say – to – me?" thundered his father, and he menacingly took a step towards Severus.

Severus gulped. "I said…you are ruining my life. Do you _know_ how it feels for your parents to hate you?"

His mother faltered slightly, and her face softened for a second. Nevertheless her face hardened back again. "Do you know how it feels to have a son, who has ruined our lives? You were a mistake! If you hadn't have been born, we wouldn't be so poor! Do you know how much it costs to raise a child?"

"I never asked to be born!" he shouted back. "It's your own fault!"

"It's not our fault! It's yours! Everything is yours!" shouted back his father.

"I hate you," Severus muttered under his breath.

His father blinked. "What did you say?" he asked, almost gently.

"I said I HATE YOU, GODAMMIT!"

His father lunged forward and hit Severus across the face violently. He staggered back. He father raised a wand to curse him, about to mutter _Crucio _when Dumbledore stopped him.

"Get off me, you old man!" Bonaventura started to raise his wand again when Dumbledore blasted him ten feet away with the aid of his own wand.

"I think you'd better get out," demanded Dumbledore seriously. A painful lump formed on Bonaventura's head. He and Aurora took terrified look at Dumbledore, and then fled.

"Severus?" questioned Dumbledore gently. He took a step towards Severus who was huddled in a corner, crying.

"Please," he pleaded, "please just leave me alone."

"Severus, why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"That you are so miserable with your life. Of your parents' strong dislike to you."

"_Leave me alone_!" he screamed, and ran towards his common room.

**Snape's Diary 12th September 1975**

_Dear Diary,_

_I never knew my life could sink down to this pathetic level. My parents are evil, literally. Cass hates me. I hate myself. I have no life. I'm just a loner. However…I am currently in the library, in the restricted section. I forged a note and am currently looking for ways to conjure up poison. Perhaps everyone will be happy if I die. I pity the next student the school chooses to torment. Aha! I've found one…just let me get out my wand…and…yes! I've got a bottle right here…this will be my last diary entry I'm afraid, Destiny. You've been my only friend. Well…here goes._

"I'm afraid it's too late…he took the poison and I've given him the antidote, but if he was to live again we would have seen him awake by now!"

"I guess we will have to wait."

"We've waited for at least an hour!"

"Why would he do something like this?" murmured McGonagall.

"Severus has not had a pleasant life. And the chances are, he ever will. But all we must do is pray for him."

Severus could hear voices. He was lying in the hospital room, his head aching and groggy. His eyelids felt heavy. He stirred slightly.

"Thank goodness! He's alive!" breathed Dumbledore, relieved.

Severus opened his eyes slowly and thought to himself. _If only I was dead…_


End file.
